I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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