sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
