I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
