Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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