There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
