Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
