I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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