It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
