I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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