How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
