It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
