She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
