I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
