I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
