I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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