Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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