I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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