My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
