I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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