She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
