Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
