my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize