She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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