I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
