Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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