SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize