i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
