i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize