she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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