did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
