I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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