I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
