I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
