It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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