just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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