My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
