Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I was not drunk enough for that final.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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