So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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