How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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