the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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