a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
