I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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