I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
