the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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