I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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