You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
