How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
