The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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