I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
