But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
