Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
