Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
