What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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