I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
