I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
