why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
