were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
