whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
