remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize