I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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