This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
