I'm eating all of the evidence.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
