Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize