I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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