the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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