I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have already put on my inside pants.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
