That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
