tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize