the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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