Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
