the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
